- Hairy's Law: First and most importantly, good hair days would rewarded. Houston weather can be brutal. Although I love my hometown, I live in the most humid city in the continental United States. No matter your style or hair texture, you can probably count your really good hair days on one hand in this town. We have approximately 2 weeks of beautiful spring-like weather per year. The other 50 weeks of the year, we spend our days running from one air-conditioned spot to another, making every attempt to avoid the sticky weather with a vengeance. We spend too much money and time trying to perfect our look for nothing. Most of us fall prey to the frizzy fairy early in the day and look like dry bushy poodles by the time we get home from work. If this were my world, ladies that are able to keep their 'dos in check from sun up to sun down would be recognized for their astounding achievement. A trophy or plaque would be awarded to these mythical non-frizzy beings.
- Brownie Points: Sometimes making the effort to do something constructive is just as massive as the actual task. Don't you wish that earning brownie points was real? Showing up to the gym whether you actually workout or not would be worthy of a point or two. Acknowledging that you need call that old friend whether you do or not would be point worthy. The intent to pay down your credit card debt even if you never really do would earn you a few brownie points as well.
- Hit RESET: Raise your hand if you have ever started your day on the wrong foot and things kept going down hill with every other step you took. Sure, we have been there and probably wished like hell that there was a way to hit a RESET button and start the whole day over again. Aside from eternal youth and instant wealth, having the ability to start over again with a clean slate might be the most sought after alternate reality most of us would choose.
- Sympathy Pounds: You know how you often find yourself in situations where you spend time with an unhappy friend that needs some cheering up? We end up taking that friend to dinner, sharing a rich dessert or simply buying them drinks at happy hour in hopes that this kind gesture gives them that little pick-me-up to keep going. However, that cocktail or dinner ends up leaving us helpful and caring friends with extra pounds in the long run. If I had my say, these situations would be categorized as "sympathy pounds" and they could be dismissed and not count against our actual weight or the shape of our physique. Because these extra calories would be consumed out of genuine concern for another person's well being, we could write them off in the same methods that we write off tax deductible purchases. Sounds like a win-win to me.
- Kiddie Jail: The debate over corporal punishment would be nonexistent if parents had the ability to sentence their disobedient children to some form of kiddie jail. Imagine if your kids were out of control and your nerves were so fried that if you did spank them, you would probably knock them into next season. Regardless of whatever form of punishment we choose, we sometimes are left with a guilty conscience when we question our parenting methods. But what if kiddie jail existed so parents did not have figure it out for themselves? Certain offenses could automatically result in their little butts sitting in a kiddie jail cell for talking back, having a messy room or letting their grades slip. We could assign double concurrent jail sentences for bigger offenses like acting a fool in public or being ungrateful while opening gifts on Christmas morning. Even bad hygiene could be added to the list of offenses. Hopefully one day in jail would be enough to teach any child a firm lesson.
There is plenty I could go on and on about in crafting my perfect world, but they pretty much all relate to me being able to eat and drink whatever I want without consequence, while growing smarter and more youthful as they years progress. I would even invoke the power of the "evil death stare" so we could unleash on stupid drivers that need to be properly punished. When I figure out a way to make any of this a real, I promise to share the secrets immediately. Until then, I can only hope.